What Is It All About?

I love the persistent pursuit of the Holy Spirit to conquer my heart and woo me back into His divine affection. He is a faithful Lover, speaking gently, but always truthfully. This last year, 2022, was really hard for me on a personal level. It was as if my prayers were not being answered, as if seeking the Bible for comfort was little comfort if any, and worship was just a continual search for the right song to usher in a breakthrough. But Holy Spirit loves me, pursues me. He takes the time to lead and guide and woo me. He awakens my heart to listen like one being taught… and here’s what he taught me: it’s time to come back to what it’s all about.

He started with my waning prayer life. “It’s time to come back to what it used to be” He said. In a single moment, I knew what He meant. It wasn’t about answers to prayer, or how to pray or active my faith to see mountains move. It was never suppose to be about my authority, or saying the right words the right way. I had to get back to what “prayer” was for me. And intercession too. Intercession had become reduced in my life to praying for people in need, commanding situations to change, executing the power Jesus gives the believer. That’s not how I started in Him, that’s not how I want to finish. Back to the beginning. Back to relationship. Back to remembering the reason Jesus came, and it wasn’t so I could have a powerful, mountain-moving prayer life. It was just simply so I could know Him, be in relationship with Him. Anything beyond that is just the icing, ya know? It’s not about talking to Him because I have a need, it’s about having a need just to talk to Him. May I never allow prayer to be filled with lists and agenda when I could be just being with Him, talking to Him. He’s my Lover and my Friend. He doesn’t need my list, He wants my companionship. He wants me to become like Him because I’ve been with Him, searching the Word of God to find HIM, not searching the Bible to learn how to live.

Okay, if this somehow resonates with your soul, if you are saying “yes” deep inside, we just gotta talk to Jesus ‘bout it right now, you and me with Him. If you are more like “what??”… feel free to close out now. But if something in your heart is unsatisfied with pursuing a “Christian life” that seems to be more about living a successful Christian life than it is about the life of Christ living in you, let’s talk to Him now.

Jesus, Be here, right now, with me, with whoever may be still reading this. We need You, Your Presence, Your nearness. No reading books to learn what to pray, how to get answers and move mountains could ever compare with just talking to You. Your disciples asked You to teach them how to pray, and we miss the whole point if we only think you gave them a list, or a method to follow. The first thing You said was “Our Father…” the most important thing to focus on is relationship. The second thing was just as simple, “hallowed be Thy Name”… Know You, reverence You, honor You. We need to get to know You Jesus. Not about You, it goes deeper. Not about what You taught, it goes way deeper. We need to know You. Too often we read the Word in search of something “more than” just You. The danger with that is how easy it becomes to search for “other than” just You. We search for answers to our problems, direction on how to live, even promises You’ve given, and totally miss You in the process; forgive us. Forgive us for being impressed by answered prayers so much that we start trying to reproduce what we did the next time we pray. Forgive us for assuming that knowing what You’ve promised could replace the excellence of simply knowing You and letting the promise take care of itself. Forgive us for reading the Word in search of instruction on our own lives when we could be searching for how You reveal Yourself within the pages of the book.
Consume us Holy Spirit with a longing to be in Your Presence more than we long for the results of being there. Turn us around. Redirect us. Change us because we’ve been in Your Presence; don’t leave us satisfied to just seek You for a change. Remind us and teach us of things too lofty for us to know. Do what only You can do. Take us to the secret place, the inner chamber, beyond all that seems right to a man and is only found in intimacy with the Beloved. We love You, teach us, now, how to be IN LOVE WITH You. In the precious Name of Jesus, amen.

To Seek Him Beyond The Need

To seek Him beyond the need… that is what I heard in my heart as I bowed my head early this morning in prayer. I came to Him today thinking I needed a fresh word on where to stand today as I began another day caring for my mom in the final stages of an aggressive stage 4 cancer. The need of knowing exactly how to minister to her is pressing greatly on my heart. How do I encourage her? How do I comfort her? In the midst of those questions I began thanking Him for how near He’s been to me through this. As I lifted my praise, Holy Spirit spoke wisdom and caution. He said to seek Him “beyond” the need. I needed that word. It would be so easy to let my prayer life become all about my mom right now, and one would think that would be okay, it’s a serious need. You may have a similar pressing need that is consuming your heart, and actually feels like you are closer to God because of the way you are seeking him for the need.

But Holy Spirit cautioned me, and would caution you as well, to seek Him beyond the need, because eventually, that need won’t be there anymore, and then where will your prayer life and relationship with Jesus be? Our whole prayer life, our quiet times of seeking have to rise above being driven by our needs. Praying for our needs alone will fail to keep our heart. Our seeking must first be for his heart, then his face, and lastly, his hand.

Oh Papa, we humbly come before you, aware of your desire to share your life with us. While it is true, we have need of your hand to move in our lives, so much more is the need to see clearly your heart. Teach us that seeking you for our every need is good, but seeking you just for your presence is even better. I don’t want to get caught in the cycle of seeking you according to my need; teach me to go beyond that.

Sit Down to Eat

Nov 10, 2021

November 10th, 2021
*Study
I was reading John 6 this morning, the part where Jesus feeds the 5 thousand, and I saw something I had never seen before as significant, but just overlooked. Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There weren’t already seated. Why would that piece of information be important. Standing would mean they were just there to observe, not seated, ready to receive. They were standing, waiting to see if there was anything to see, ready to walk away if nothing actually seemed like it was going to happen.

So Jesus tells the disciples to have them sit. As if saying “Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats, the show is about to begin.” The people must have wondered what was about to happen. They begin to hear whispers… “they say he’s going to feed us…” Imagine, you are one in a crowd of 5 thousand, you see how many others there are, you see how few of “them” there are, and since you aren’t stupid, you are doing the same math Philip did. You realize there is no way this small band of misfits had enough money to buy enough food to feed even half that many people. So now it’s on you; do you sit and expect to get fed, or do you keep standing with a “wait and see how God does this” attitude. In John 6:11 it says Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to THOSE WHO WERE SEATED as much as they wanted and did the same with the fish. Those who were seated, expecting, anticipating something, they ate as much as they wanted. Then when they had eaten, Jesus said gather up the pieces left. Nothing was wasted. Nothing was left over for the “wait and see crowd.” There was stuff remaining that could have been eaten, but it wasn’t wasted on those with a “lets wait and see if this is really real”, they got nothing. Not everyone tasted the goodness of God. John 6:13 says the pieces were gathered that were left over “by those who had eaten”, indicating that not all had even eaten.

If they sat in expectation, they were given as much as they wanted, it was then up to them if they ate it. Makes me realize there are places in my life where I’ve had enough faith to show up, but not enough expectation to sit and receive, and other areas where I did sit, ready to receive, but still didn’t eat. I don’t want to be like that anymore.

Let The Morning Bring Me Word…

Psalm 143:8 “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”

How often we get this verse backwards! We seek God’s face for direction, but forget that FIRST we need to seek His unfailing love. We need to know beyond knowing that He loves us. We feel unfulfilled and directionless when we are not first fulfilled with His love. But once our hearts are satisfied in Him, with His love, we will be fulfilled, no matter what the direction.
Before we ask “what should I do?”…we should be asking “would you please show me again today how much you love me?” It’s when we forget how much we are loved that we lose our way. We begin to try to attain a sense of fulfillment within other things, with “fillers”. A “filler” is just something that just takes the shape of the what is missing. We make our lives numb with time-fillers, trying to satisfy ourselves and fill the empty places where once we were full of his love.
It’s time to satisfy our hearts with His love. To seek His embrace to fill the empty places. Then we will see the way to go out of the overflow of love.

The Struggle is Real

Papa, the struggle today to come into your presence was so real today, not because of anything other than I could not stay awake! That is so frustrating for me! It doesn’t even matter why though, the point is, I had to fight for every moment, and for the most part, I was losing. But now is a moment to turn the tide and make that frustration I had with my own time (or more like lack of time spent with you) into warfare, and into intercession for others who struggled to meet with you today a well, for all our struggles are common to man, right?

So Lord Jesus, first of all I ask that you hold every heart tonight that had a struggle coming into your presence and having a meaningful communing exchange of love with you today. Spirit, convince them that there is no condemnation, give the the gift of repentance where needed, forgiveness where necessary, and grace & mercy to let go of today and embrace tomorrow. Papa, I know that I’m not the only person today, for whatever reason, just didn’t get time with you the way they wanted to, even though they may have had sincere desire, as I did. But overwhelming exhaustion just was more intense than desire. So teach me how to prioritize my days and tasks ahead of time so that I don’t end up in a state of exhaustion like today. But instead, create in us a fire that cannot be extinguished, a hunger and a passion to pursue you above all, no matter the cost. Let us consider the benefits over the cost of putting you first. And let us be aware that every decision we make with our time effects our time with you. Teach us to live intentionally, and with purpose. In Jesus Name, amen.

The Time of Visitation

I wonder how often we miss, maybe not “the” time of his visitation, but “a” time of visitation. I’m sure we have all had them. I’m also positive many of them, if not most of them, we miss. The Holy Spirit comes in those moments, waiting to see if we will notice He is there, and He is God. On those occasions when we do notice him, do we acknowledge his sovereignty over that moment. It’s rare I think.

For instance, how many times have you been in the midst of a quiet moment, reading the word of God, and some of the words just leap off the page, but then, you just keep reading because you have to finish that chapter to stay on track, thinking you’ll get back to it later, but either you don’t, or you try to, but missed the moment. That’s a moment of visitation. Or have you ever been in a meeting and felt that undeniable “knowing” that the atmosphere had somehow shifted, and there was a deeper thing Holy Spirit was longing to do, but the meeting just seemed to rush through it? That may have been a moment of visitation that was missed.

So what do you do about it? Well, if you’re in a gathering, let your heart respond as much as you are able; have a yielded heart towards God. If you are in a position of leadership, or have relationship with the leader, it might be you are to be proactive in facilitating the group, even if it is something as little as passing a note to whoever is leading that particular meeting. Just be humble and remember you are not the one in charge, so just be led by grace and humility. Don’t sweat it if nothing happens from that point. Your responsibility was humility and obedience. But if you are alone, that’s a different story! If you are alone and you sense him tugging at you, do the only wise thing to do. Stop. The minute you sense Him, don’t rush by. Wait on him.

Let Him Kiss Me…

Oh Beloved Savior, draw me unto your secret chamber, the place where your love, your word, kisses my soul. Draw me out of myself that I may hear your voice, know your touch, and be changed by your word. Even as you have captured my heart by just one glance, may I see in your eyes the reflection of what captures your heart. May my eyes look where your eyes look, may my heart ache for what your heart aches. Turn my heart away from the things that grieve me, and instead share in the intercession you make for the things that grieve Papa. Make my heart cry conformed to your heart cry, putting aside myself and clothing myself with the likeness of Christ. Heal my heart in your presence of wounds, and forgive me and cleanse me where they have created bitterness or offense. Rain upon me compassion, tenderness and mercy that my heart may be softened and show others the same grace shown to me. O take me in, deeper still, to be filled with joy as we delight in one another, I in you, and you in me. Let me walk this day with you through the garden of our love, catching the little foxes that would spoil the vineyard. May the water of your word refresh me and the meat of your word sustain me. Hide me in the shadow of your wings as I seek refuge in your name. Draw me to your banqueting table, for your banner over me is Love.

The Song of Songs is so rich in describing The Lover and His Beloved, every time I open my bible to these passages, I am washed over by waves of His love. I’ve read it so many times, yet still something will catch my attention and speak in some new way to me. I’ve learned and am still learning to yield to his kiss. I’ve learned also that his love is so gentle, before you can receive the kiss, you must invite him to kiss you, and when he does, surrender to it.

Something I had never took note of until this morning was that the Beloved asks the one she loves where he grazes his sheep. She’s looking for the place of his rest during the heat of the day. And then she asks “Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?” She is saying here “tell me where to go to be with you, where I can find rest, or the inner peace, of being who I truly am, and not judged by others to be something I’m not.” Let’s just say a “veiled woman” is not what you want to be known as, unless you like a good stoning! Just before saying this, the beloved admits she is not the “norm”, she is pretty much treated as an outcast because she seems different. She’s different from the rest, misunderstood, rejected. She has been made to tend to vineyards that were not hers and neglected her own. She wasn’t able to cultivate what had been planted in her, because she was forced to become what someone else decided she should become. The reply of the Lover’s true friends to her request to find him was simply “follow the tracks of the sheep”. Follow the footsteps of those who follow him. If you can’t find him on your own, follow the tracks of those who continually follow the Shepherd.

I want to speak to the heart that identifies with that depiction of the Beloved in Song of Songs chapter 1. I think any one of us may relate to it at some point in our lives. You may feel like the rejected outcast today, even though your heart sincerely follows after his. The encouragement is that even though you may be different from the rest, SOS 1:8 says you are beautiful. Other places in scripture confirm that you were uniquely designed, fearfully and wonderfully, perfect for his pleasure! Not an outcast, and not rejected. So go to him. Hurry, run into the secret place, the hidden chamber of the King. Seek out his kisses and yield to his embrace. This is your moment with the King, your moment to exchange love, your moment to be filled with all His fullness, His goodness and His love. He is beckoning to you today “Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come away with me.”

Don’t put it off, just go now, and enjoy being his Beloved, even as He enjoys being yours!

Ministering To Jesus

When ministering to Jesus, we find ourself gazing into his lovely face, looking deep into his eyes, because that’s what lovers do! As we look into his eyes, we see the reflection of what he is looking at, and we turn our gaze upon it too. Ministering to him includes carrying the weight of his heart.

An Invitation

I hear an invitation in my heart, sent by Jesus, endorsed by Father God, delivered by Holy Spirit. I know I’m not the only one who has received this invitation, maybe you’ve gotten one too. It’s a private invitation to enter into the secret place.

Right now the prophets are proclaiming, the evangelists are preaching, the warriors are preparing for battle, the teachers are teaching. And they all are in step with the Spirit and aligned with the instruction given to them according to the call upon their lives. Many are called, few chosen, true. But there is an invitation even fewer may receive, and even less answer. It is the invitation to minister to the Lord, himself, in a secret and private place. It’s not your secret place. It is his secret place. A place tucked deep inside him, where we lavish our love upon the lover and it touches him. An intimate exchange of love. Put in human terms, it is an invitation to satisfy his heart with love.

That means we come asking for nothing but to sit in His presence and be with him. It means fixing undistracted attention upon the person of Jesus and set our affection on him.

We all have our place in the kingdom, our function, our position. I have a friend very called to ring the cry of a final warning to a sleepy church. She shares prophetic words with me all the time of the coming judgement, and I’m sure that they are true. And that’s her call and she’s walking in it. She wars in the spirit and finds victory in the battle; that’s her call. I used to feel like I should be doing the same thing, I mean, shouldn’t I? I had to realize I am not called to minister to the world, or even to the church. I am to minister to the Lord and him only. Maybe you are the same. You desire to be “used” but no doors are opening, no windows – not even a crack in the wall! Rejoice! Embrace the ministry of the inner chamber where your focus is Jesus alone.

As I sat down this morning to have my “quiet time” with Jesus, I began organizing my thoughts concerning the things I really needed to talk to him about… Then i realized, what in the world was I doing? Was I actually presuming to come to God with an “agenda”? As if I had scheduled a planning strategy meeting with the Most High and was preparing my notes for discussion? How wrong is that?!

I can hear some of you now thinking “what’s wrong with having your prayer list of requests prepared?? Everyone does that, all the time. How else are you gonna remember everything you want to pray for…” and I hear you. I don’t mean it’s wrong to keep track of things you’ve committed your heart to pray for. I’m not talking lists, I’m talking agenda. I realized this morning that my thoughts began more about addressing my list than it was about cultivating a relationship with Jesus, and for that reason, before I even spoke my first request, before even addressing the first thing on my list, I repented. I repented for in that moment, forgetting that he wants to know me, not just be made aware of my problems.

How easy it is to forget sometimes that Christianity isn’t about reading the Bible to learn how to live a better life, it’s about being in a relationship with Jesus, a living, active relationship that changes who we are because we have spent time with him. It shouldn’t become a set of rules we have to follow in order to gain access to him, but rather because we have spent time with him because he gave us access, we learn what pleases him and we do those things, not to gain favor, but because we have favor. Just like we don’t do righteous things to become righteous, we do righteous things because we now have become the righteousness of God in him.

Lord Jesus, may I never forget you desire to know me and to be known by me. You say of course if I love you I will obey your commands, so may I lay hold of truth and understand it unto obedience, as proof of my love. Let me also cultivate that love through relationship as Holy Spirit interacts with me daily. Remind me always that you are my friend, not a concept. You are not a 10 steps program. You are not a to-do list. You are Jesus, the word who became flesh and walked among men, lived and breathed, laughed and cried. You are now as you were then, and I will not reduce you to a form or program. Let me know you rightly, worship you honestly, and seek you because I long to spend time knowing who you are. Amen.